Last week I went back and forth: do I stay or do I go?
It’s not the right time, it’s never the right time. If not now, then when? So, I decided to be a bit reckless and drive through the night to The Land of John Edwards: North Carolina.
I pretty much never live with reckless abandon. Never fly by the seat of my pants (if I have pants on) or live in the moment. At least I don’t think I do. When I sink into my deep place, I usually feel like I have a whole lot of living to do. Then I become a sad sack and hate that I live so seriously making serious decisions about being serious.
It’s fucking exhausting.
When I look back on places I have been, I always think about money first then the experience. So, it goes something like this: remember when we had no money and we did ____________ with exactly no money. Like the time we scalped extra tickets outside of a place like Six Flags so we could afford the day even though our tickets were free.
I have a bazillion for instances just like that.
It’s creative, yet it will also suck the life right out of you.
Even though Slasher and I are currently separated, he was the one that pushed me to go to the Type-A Conference. “If not now, then when?” he asked. I had gracious friends who offered a cot and to my surprise — at the last minute — a free ticket. Type-A is a rather intimate gathering of parenting bloggers learning and exchanging tips about, no shocker here, the business of blogging.
The previous week I was told that I must go to conferences. Not maybe, not some, but YOU. MUST. GO.
So, I filled up the tank and off I went through Philadelphia and Delaware, Maryland and Virginia and, as the sun came up, I hit North Carolina. I went with a laptop bag and an ivory and cherry monogrammed Lands End tote from iVillage that could double as a body bag and the stellar GPS app I have on my phone.
I also had about three fountain Diet Cokes. But of course I did. I always have one.
Driving through the night then staying awake for another 12 hours is not for the weak. By the end of the first day, I barely knew my name, almost walked off a ledge, into a glass door about three bazillion times, and then slept through the conference sessions on the second day.
Dude, I was a mess.
But this was living! This was flying by the seat of my non-pants, pants.
I was in North Carolina, far away from home, and meeting the real life people who were just tiny icons on Twitter. I also gained a new set of wax lips, came up with a completely materialistic campaign to get an iPad, and went to yet another Mexican restaurant with bloggers. If you are not hip to this fact, bloggers ALWAYS choose Mexican and I can’t stand Mexican. At this point, I know they do it for the joke.
Life is hard right now. I am not going to bullshit you. There are financial problems and relationship problems and I need to move problems and on and on.
But for a weekend I lived a little.
Saw the sun rise and the sun set. And made a few friends.