There is no such thing as the “Mommy Wars.”
There just isn’t.
So I’m not even going to write about how I really don’t take issue with Hilary Rosen or how I roll my eyes at Ann Romney. Because, bottom line, I could care less about who “works” and who “doesn’t.”
Here’s what I know for sure:
- Mothers who stay at home with children are young, poor women. Not comfy, rich, non-latina women.
- The longer you stay at home with your children, the less Social Security you’ll receive (if it’s still around by then)
- Having children is one sure fire way to end up in poverty.
- The years you stay out of the traditional workforce are earnings you will never recoup.
- Being a woman, during your child-bearing years, will cost you more for health insurance based solely on that fact.
“Choices” and blah, blah clouds all of this.
When someone, like a politician, says: “Motherhood is the hardest job” they are bullshitting you. Because you know what it is? A bunch of lip service. What they mean to say is: we love that women work so hard for free.
And where do they work for free?
Everywhere.
And just to refresh your memory:
- School districts
- Youth organizations
- Faith-based groups
- In the home
- Blogging (I’ll add this just because I can)
Every time you volunteer, that’s free labor. And every time someone tells you that “motherhood is the hardest job” punch them in the nuts for being so Victorian.
Obviously none of us around today remember the “delicate” years when we were too busy scheduling our fainting spells to care about that icky thing called voting. That’s, at least, what those guys who got to vote said. But we sure “had the hardest job.”
Or, how could we skip over the fact that women of color have ALWAYS been working mothers.
But not for their children. Which the Feminine Mystique classically skipped over.
Yay! Two “hardest jobs!”
Mothers, and to be clear not all women are mothers, have one thing in common: they are connected to children. Everything else? Not so much.
So, oversimplified dialogue about fluff infuriates me just a tad because it misses the two key points: policy and positions. Mitt Romney’s positions harm women and more specifically harm mothers. Current policy is about thismuch better. Which is really not at all.
What we’re talking about when we’re discussing motherhood is poverty, health care, retirement, jobs and education.
Not if Ann Romney works.
Because who gives a shit about that?
It is ab over-simplified discussion because it’s not just stay home or work, yet it seems we as women aren’t comfortable en masse discussing what really happens when we do stay home. You mentioned poverty, health care, retirement, jobs and education. In the past few years I am at the age of life where it seems marriages end and almost all my former SAHM pals have been plunged into poverty since their marriages ended. Why? They were were at home and even with former partners who do actually pay their child support the fact is they barely are surviving and several are now on public assistance.
I offer this because there is a real cost to being at home in terms of what happens when life happens. Yet rarely do I see meaningful conversations between women on changing these things instead we get hung up on debating whose job is harder which takes away from the meatier discussions.
Still waking up and only on my first cup of coffee so hopefully this makes sense.
Blackgirlinmaine recently posted..Our choices and the deck we play
Agreed.
Everyone’s job is hard. There is a difference between starving hard and upkeep hard, right? But that’s not the issue, like you said.
You raise an even more important point: I know at least three women (in really, real life) who are boomer old, divorced, and spent the vast majority of their child-bearing years at home, under-employed, or working part time. While their former husbands are retired, all of them work, are now lower- lower-income and utterly panicked about when they will no longer be able to work. The tendency to believe it can’t be YOU we’re talking about is astounding. Not only should women skim from the top for the “just in case I leave your ass” fund, they should be planning for the “when I have a walker and can’t work” fund. Which is, obviously, easier said then done. But, to me, awareness is more than half the battle.
Since you “know this for sure” I hope it’s tongue in cheek,
“Mothers who stay at home with children are young, poor women. Not comfy, rich, non-latina women.”
That offensive to my liberal, tattooed mind that does stay at home, by choice. We are in a position where I can, and I’m aware how rare that is. That being said, I have one child with a chronic illness that it helps that I’m there for her on a dime. I use my time to volunteer in shelters, lower income schools that lack volunteers, animal shelters and hope that my children will learn from my example.
I’m not poor, I’m not rich. I’m lucky and I budget the hell out of every penny.
M: Thanks for reading and commenting. I do know for sure that the image of the SAHM and the reality of who the vast majority of that demographic happen to be: http://www.census.gov/newsroom/releases/archives/families_households/cb09-132.html That’s just one quick example on data.
Like you, I’m an outted liberal and have done my fair share of volunteer work. But the post is not about individual “choices.” It’s broader than that. It’s about perception and reality, policy and positions. I, quite frankly, could care less what Ann Romney or Hillary Rosen or my next door neighbor do with within their mothering hours. What I care about is when someone is being asked to represent mothers as a demographic (and advise on policy) to a presidential candidate who has no grasp on reality.
I hope this helps maybe shed some light. If not, thanks for politely disagreeing,
I think it’s important to look at the demographic as a whole. I know more than one white liberal broke SAHM but as someone with 15+ years in the social service sector, that is not the overall demographic that I have seen professionally. Most of the women I see daily are poor and young and I agree that in the case of Romney asking his wife is truly not representative of what real SAHM looks like for most SAHM’s.
Blackgirlinmaine recently posted..Our choices and the deck we play