As this is the Season of Giving, we’re taking blogging tips to a whole new level: How Not to be THAT blogger.

What constitutes THAT blogger?

Apparently, a whole lot of shit.

Because I put out the question: what annoys you the most as a blogger? And I got a pretty healthy response of things that drive other bloggers bananas about other bloggers. I am beyond thrilled that none of them said Liz Henry.

Leave a comment not worth leaving

After someone pours their heart out, leave a comment that falls somewhere into this category: FOLLOW ME! Which will, shocker, have the opposite effect. Other bloggers will hate you. Not Mean Girls hate you. But will, absolutely, not follow you.

Try to be cute

This drives bloggers insane. Well, too much of it anyway. So you do not want to do this. And then this. Followed by this.

Bloggers will virtually erase you. Technically, that’s what this is.

Write this post: Dear [insert something here], love me

If you find something annoying, no matter how much you XOXO and “Love Me,” it’s been done. Find some other snarky way to inform us that your Starbucks non-fat latte was light on foam for three weeks. Writing an XOXO letter to Starbucks on your blog has a whole lot of people wanting to write you off.

Your blog practices sensory overload

Dude, whoa. Your neon contrasting colors and paisley background just gave me a migraine. OSHA should not be involved in blogging. Tone it down.

Trivialize your happiness. 

Your life can’t possibly suck that much. Don’t make it worse for readers. Own your happiness. Sometimes things are peachy. Which can be just as wonderful as: I cut off my fingers so now I blog with my toes. Uh, My Left Foot is taken. By a smokin’ hot Daniel Day Lewis.

Exclamation points and emoticons

‘Nuff said.

Kissing a sponsor’s ass 

HEY! LOOK AT ME! I GOT SOMETHING FOR FREE! Not only are you breaking the above rule about a certain point that shall remain an exclamation, your blog is about gardening. Why are you shouting from the bloggy rooftop that you love cement? Create a new blog or a page where all of your I LOVE [whatever they sent me for free] can go and not mess up your awesomeness.

Use nom-nom as a way to describe something tasty

I did not know this, but let’s roll with it. Baby talk is not cute. It’s not cute when you bang. And it’s not cute when you blog. The New York Times doesn’t rate things in nom-nom. They use stars. Which is almost like a sticker chart, so I hear you. But nom-nom? Unless you’re blogging from the pack ‘n play and drooling all over your teether, leave it out.

Your theme has nothing to do with your blog

If you blog about attachment parenting, why in the hell do you have a NASCAR background? First of all, that is one stellar combo. I feel you on the strap the baby to the front of you / strap into a race car similarity. But when I logged on, I was down for some laps, not co-sleeping naps.  Unless your strapping that babe into the car with you, NASCAR has to go.

There’s no YOU in your blog

All of the above = trying too hard. Maybe you do say nom-nom and trail off mid-sentence like Zach Braff, so that’s why you use ellipses. OWN THAT SHIT. But don’t do it because you saw someone else work in nom-nom and was all: nothing says flashy design like NASCAR. The two do not go together. Babies do not drive race cars and the Food Network does not have a show called The Barefoot Nom.

Your blog should be filled with little earthquakes — of you. None of the ten things above say anything about, well, you. Which is exactly why we’re reading. Or, at the very least, want to. What have you written about you today? You’re interesting. You are. Not the Put On version of you. Because that’s what all of that stuff up there is. Write little earthquakes — even in the comments — and other bloggers will follow you.

Promise.

This post was made available to you by the wonderful bloggers of Philly Social Media Moms. I left direct quotes out, but please follow their blogs: Steph from Confessions of a Stay at Home Mom, Kelly at The Turnip Farmer, Brandi from Mama Knows It All, Jessica at Found the Marbles, Jo-Lynne from Musings of a Housewife, Lisa at Smart Spending Spot, Hillary at My Scraps, and Nicole at Just Children’s Books. If you feel like I tried to make your blogging pet peeve my own without crediting you, make sure to send hugs through email.

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